The Cheese and Onion Bible

I have procured a copy of the Bible of medical students, the Koran of junior doctors. Yes, it is the holy text of the inexperienced medical world. With the Oxford Handbook of Clinical Medicine by my side I am instantly transformed from a stuttering amateur to a seasoned professional. The priceless publication is in the possession of the majority of my colleagues and it is by far and away the most valuable 850 pages I'll ever need. It has chapters on everything from asthma to AIDS, paracetamol to paralysis. Due to it's lovely green and yellow cover it is frequently referred to as "the cheese and onion". Bleep your consultant and confess to not knowing if you can give steroids to your patient? Screw that. Ask the physio if your patient can get out of bed before 2010? Hell no. Check the cheese and onion. Patient crashes in the corridor and you can't remember what traces are shockable? Run for a cleaner's closet and check the Bible. Basically, I can stop working, spend 4 months chilling out in the Hospital cafe or playing Stick Cricket on the net and then breeze my exams, because as long as the blessed book in within 5 metres of my person, I am a invincible medicine machine.