My Reasons For Doing Medicine

Nowadays, thanks to our wonderful education system, for all intents and purposes kids have to choose what they want to do with their lives when they're 15 years old. I had to pick my A Levels when I was 15, and if I didn't choose the right ones then the universities wouldn't be interested in me when it came to applying for medicine. In reality, doctors are in their jobs right now because they acted on skewed naive uninformed desires when they were young. So, having been on the planet for only one and a half decades, here were my reasons for wanting to become a doctor.

1. People have to call you doctor. This cool because it makes you sound superior.
2. If World War 3 breaks out, I won't be conscripted to the front lines to get vapourised.
3. You makes bucketloads of cash. This will be useful for the following-
4. Getting a 1976 Dodge Challenger like on that film.
5. Pulling birds with big boobs.
6. Buying a fuck-off massive penthouse in Florida.
7. It will challenge my swollen ego, and provide ammo in Uni arguments about who's degree is better.
8. Helping people is pretty good fun, and might get me a Times obituary or a knighthood.

I'm not kidding, why else would a 15 year old want to be a doctor? The shitty hours, the mediocre pay (and trust me, it is)? The occasional bollocking from a random colleague or patient? The sporadic weekends of vomiting and diarrhoea from ward infections? And certainly, no 15 year old wants to be a doctor for the reason I now want to be one- some honest need to do a bit to push the balance between good and bad back up in the world. I'm lucky that my childish aspirations faded away to leave some sediment of actual truthful benevolence. I'm still looking forward to being called doctor by hotel receptionists and flight attendants, and a Dodge Challenger would be fairly sweet, but basically I'm in it because (halo appears) I'm actually quite keen on picking up my broom and sweeping away a bit of the crap that washes up on our doorstep every day. I'm not going to save the world, I'm not even going to try, but every little bit helps.

And besides, I'm too slow to play professional football, and not enough of a bastard to do law.