Thursday, May 10, 2007

Magners: The Drink of Sheep

Two years ago, did you ever see anyone drinking cider with ice cubes in it?
That's because the ice melts, waters down a previously manly drinking experience, and generally gets in the way of the mechanics of sipping anyway.
Until Magners started brainwashing everybody with their blatant propaganda. It tastes like every other cider, but because it's been on TV and is instantly recognisable, people suddenly love it. And just as the adverts suggest, all the bleached blonde blazer-loving ex-public school sheep can't resist loading up the glass with half a tonne of ice.
Where I come from, the only things that should be found floating in your cider are the remnants of apples, the odd drowned dormouse or two, and a thick sediment of solid masculinity.
Whenever I see yet another yuppie late-middle-age corporate sheep slap his hooves down on the bar and order another Magners, "with ice", I laugh on the inside.
I'm not sure if it's the cunning way that the company displays their bottles as leaping out of the water and flying through the air like salmon (the mark of a better tasting cider), or simply their audacity at trying to convince me that I'd be better off drinking their piss water than a half quart of whisky, but either way it's just another good example of how brilliant people are at being unwittingly influenced.
Honestly, if Magners told you it was cool to slice off your little fingers and drop them into your glass for an "extra-fleshy taste", people would start turning up to pubs with meat cleavers.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

Thankyou.
Its wank isnt it.. Even the commercial ciders like strongboiw and blackthorne that came before it now suggest serving over ice on the side of the can.

hell magners doesnt even taste good.

The only time i consider ice in my cider is with the Thatchers Cheddar Valley from the hole in the wall down here in Pompey simply because its summer and it somes out of a barrel unchilled... and cheddasr valley is fucking gorgeous chilled.

The Ante Poster said...

Down a pub near my mum's house in Somerset they serve cider they make in the back garden. One sip and you spend half an hour shaking of the sting of the aftertaste.
Gorgeous.

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