Saturday, April 14, 2007

Creationism: How Gullible are you?

I once read a book about elaborate hoaxes, and how the very best cons are so good that when the ringleader finally tells everybody that it was all a joke, no one believes him, and the hoaxed people refuse to get wise.
Creationism is like that. Honestly, if someone tried to pull that one on me on April Fool's day, I would have believed it for precisely zero seconds. Nobody would have, because the whole idea is totally ridiculous. The only reason any one falls for it is because the whole idea is such an elaborate hoax, just one idiocy in the mile-long list of religious lies, that deluded people find it easy to go along with anything you tell them.
I'm not against the idea of a higher power, I don't think it's possible to tell if there is one or not, but some theories are quite clearly absolute tripe. I mean, really, if my mum had tried to bring me up as a creationist, I would've had her committed.
Let's examine a few minor flaws-
  1. God created the world in 7 days, creating one thing a day. Firstly, how can there be days if you haven't created the world yet dumbass??? A day is a revolution of the planet.
  2. God took Saturday off because he wanted to rest. This is bullshit. You could get this kind of stuff from the Brothers Grimm. If there is a God, he wouldn't need a day off ever. He would've done the job in one "day", and might even have had some time left to make humans less idiotic.
  3. He did this a few thousand years ago. Okay, fine, that just goes against all the real evidence we have, like how we can carbon date things to millions of years ago. This is usually where creationists go "yeah, but science is fallible". Wake up and smell the moronic assertions, you idiots, it's not science, it's common bloody sense.
  4. God left traps like fossils to test our faith. No, he didn't. What is this, life, or a giant game of Cluedo? Maybe God created the world in the study with the candlestick, or maybe you're a dipshit. Stop trying to incorporate things into the Bible just because you've realised that they totally contradict your half-baked ideas. In the real world, if an idea is stupid, we drop it, not twist it beyond recognition just to keep it alive.
  5. Creationists love to break open the argument explaining how the world we live in, "which is perfect", must have a designer, like a finely tuned pocket watch. Have you ever opened your eyes, ever? The world is a shithole. Half the world's population is starving, or fighting over nothing, or diseased, or French. It's not a very nice place. And as for the universe, it's basically a massive mess of burning gas and icy rock, as we cling to the only barely habitable rock in the galaxy. Great design job, Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen makes you look like a child with crayons.
  6. Animals are totally different to humans. Guess again you mindless clones. Humans eat, breathe, reproduce and shit like, let me think, animals. And then I could go on about DNA but you'd probably burn me at the stake. In fact, I'm quite happy to be related to apes, they show remarkable signs of intelligence, like not falling for dumbass children's stories.

I reckon there was some middle eastern man, walking around Jerusalem around 2000 years ago, seeing how dedicated people had become to Christianity. He'd mumble under his breath, "bloody hell, they actually fell for it".

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