My Consultant, Doctor Invisible

I started my surgical placement 3 weeks ago, and in that time, I have met my consultant precisely zero times. For the first two weeks, he was on leave, and for the last week, I have tried desperately but in vain to catch a fleeting glimpse of the lesser-spotted senior doctor. Our lack of contact is not as worrying for me as it should be for you, seeing as he is the most important resource in the education of 3 people who will in the very near future be shoving their hands around in your guts and playing "eeny meeny miny mo" to decide which artery to clamp. I have parasitically sucked as much information out of the junior doctors as I can, and the occasional scheduled teaching session with another class is all well and good, but basically I'm on my own, and it isn't good.

At the risk of shattering the public's illusions of consultant surgeons as hardworking, humility-bound bundles of benevolent cuddliness, I have found a few incriminating photos taken during his time spent "at work". Observe.

Here he is shooting a personal best of 4-over-par when he was meant to be conducting an urgent radical nephrectomy.

Here he is in Monaco with his latest Porsche, whilst Mr.Smith bleeds out on the table thanks to his unsupervised cretinous underling doctors.

And here is Doctor Workshy again, coating himself in the gentle, relaxing sunbeams of Muscle Beach, as his own patients are ironically dying of untreated skin cancer.

Fine, maybe I'm overreacting, but it's not my fault if the weekly schedule of his activities I was given is 100% inaccurate. I'd ask the cleaners how to do a cystoscopy, but they only speak Polish. Just pray you don't need an operation in 10 years!